20. Darius Rucker- "Wagon Wheel" It's not that this song is bad, because I used to really like it, that's the thing though, used to. I used to like it when it was an old song Bob Dylan wrote that was made famous by Old Crow Medicine Show. Now it became one of the most overplayed songs of the year and I'm so sick of it. The worst part is most people think it's Darius's song and it was praised by many because it was one of the "countriest" sounding songs of the year. Instead of taking credit for other people's work you could just make your own stuff you know?
19. Parmalee- "Carolina"
Again it's not that this song is awful but it's the fact that this band does absolutely nothing to try to fit into country music that bothers me. If I heard this on a mainstream rock station I wouldn't question it, because it sounds like it fits. They have even stated that no other genre would accept them so they came to country. That's the problem, country accepts everything these days no matter what type of music it actually is.
18. Taylor Swift- "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"No one can predict what is in store for Taylor Swift these days. Everyone knows she isn't slightly country, but no one will do anything about it. Here we have a super pop, zero percent country song that is getting played on the pop stations and the country stations too. This song is just awful there's nothing good or rewarding about it. She can't be in two different genres with the same exact music, she has to pick one. She can't have it both ways.
17. Cole Swindell- "Chillin' It"
This song is just as awful as the other cliche pop country songs, but this guy just bothers me for some reason, I don't know, it might be his face.
16. Keith Urban- "Little Bit Of Everything"
Keith Urban, what is this? This is just a bad mess.
15. Lady Antebellum- "Downtown"This song is on here because "I got a dress that'll show a little uh uh but you ain't gettin' uh uh if you don't come pick me up" is a line somebody actually wrote to be included into a song that would get played in front of humans. Plus the single cover makes me want to kill puppies.
14. Jon Pardi- "Up All Night"
This is another cliche party in the pasture song but this guys voice sounds like he is trying to be some redneck thug using Ebonics with a fake southern accent. "Lay ah blanket by da creek
where da moon peeks o'r dat sycamore tree" *Inserts pointy sharp objects into ears"
13. Brett Eldredge- "Don't Ya"
My first experience with this song was during math class last spring. Some girl asked if she could play music since we were just doing random crap at our seat. When the teacher agreed I got my headphones plugged in and ready. The first song she played was "Don't Ya." About 5 other girls were exclaiming that this song was "their jam." The first line is about a girl who cut her jeans "just right." I was like yeah I'll pass and put some real music in about 3 lines in so I never found out what their other "jams" were. They weren't alone though because this song got huge, apparently a lot of other people felt the same way. This song is so dull, boring, and stupid, and it sounds like every other song out there. I just don't get it.
12. Laura Bell Bundy ft. Colt Ford- "Two Step"
This song never got big, thank God. That's all I have to say.
11. Tyler Farr- Redneck Crazy
There are a bunch of dumb redneck anthems out there, but this one crosses the line. You can ride through big pits of mud or run naked through a Walmart parking lot, I don't care, but you don't go drunkenly spy on and harass your ex-girlfriend. He even says her new boyfriend "can't amount to much by the look of his little truck." Really? That's what determines whose the most masculine? Whoever can spend the most of their daddy's money to jack up their F-250? I think the real man is one who isn't whining like a little baby over the fact that his ex girlfriend got a new boyfriend. The real man is getting over the breakup on his own and not throwing beer cans at the poor girl jeez.
10. Lee Brice- Parking Lot PartyUgh
9. Blackjack Billy- Booze Cruise
It's like the poor man's version of "Cruise" with more alcohol. "The booze cruise, Summer groove, I wanna see your booty move" Really though, like my dog can be a songwriter.
8. Chase Rice- Ready Set Roll
This song is so bad, it's just kind of sad. "Get your little fine ass on the step, shimmy up inside" Seriously? If any guy ever said that to me I'd take the keys to his precious truck and back it up over his dumb ass. This song is just God-awful songwriting at it's finest.
7. Montgomery
Gentry- Titty's Beer
Yes, it's about exactly what you think it is, unfortunately I am dead serious.
6. Joe Diffie ft. some country rapper I'm too lazy to look up- Girl Ridin' Shotgun
Since Joe Diffie's name was awoken from the 90's and people discovered he was a real person and not a character Jason Aldean made up, he then of course had to make a "reply" song to Jason's "1994." Joe Diffie thought he'd cash in on the fact that people knew his name and this terrible mess was made.
5. Blake Shelton- Boys Round Here
The real bad thing about this song is that unlike other super dumb songs like it, it actually did really well. People took this song seriously and loved it. Even worse is that the Pistol Annies sang with him. They still, even though it isn't commercially successful, make some of the "countriest" music in the mainstream. This is what I would consider Blake's "ultimate sellout song." I mean he is a really talented musician and he's just wasting it. It's like when someone in a movie gets super powers and they have to decide if they want to use their powers for good or evil. Some of them gravitate towards evil, it's a shame because you could have saved people instead you know? 
4. Jerrod Niemann- "Drink To That All Night"This is not country rap like the others, it's country electro dance, actually it's just one of the worst things I've heard in my life. He used to be really good too, again, what a waste.
3. Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly- "Cruise"
I ain't saying anything about this, unless you live under a rock in the bottom of the sea you've heard it. This is the most successful country song of all time. A rap song, a rap song! *Hank and Lefty spin in their graves in unison*
2. Luke Bryan- "That's My Kind Of Night"Can we make it a new law that the name of a classic country singer and a modern rapper cannot be used in the same song. I don't think there is a human on this earth that listens to Conway Twitty and T-Pain in one car ride Luke Bryan. That and the "winner winner catfish dinners" and the "real good feel good stuff" is just too many dumbs for one song.
THE
WINNER
FOR
THE
WORST
"COUNTRY"
SONG
OF
2013
NO
ACTUALLY
THE
WORST
"COUNTRY"
SONG
IN
THE
HISTORY
OF
COUNTRY
SONGS
IS...
*FllfllatataflaRatflllattaflatttaraat*
(That was a drum roll)
CONGRATULATIONS
TO...
1. Jason Aldean- "1994"
This song is one of the worst things I have ever had the misfortune of hearing. It's so bad I don't even know how to describe it. At least with these dumb songs they are usually at least catchy but this just has no defined melody or direction. It's just mindless blurbs of speech one right after another. It'd be one thing if 1994 was a big year for Joe Diffie, but it wasn't. At least then it'd make some sort of sense. I can't believe people get paid to make such garbage. No but seriously now, as a music consumer and avid listener I am offended that songwriting "professionals" try to pass off the lowest of low quality songs to me, I deserve better, we all deserve better. There is so much music out there. If you want to be a songwriter be one because writing songs is the only way you can survive. A pen, a piece of paper and a guitar has to be one of the only ways you can get out the anger, fear, love, and every other emotion that is inside of you. Music has to be the very thing that keeps you alive, sane, and happy. If there's any other reason find another profession. Check out my best of 2013 list, it is proof that people like that exist. You can just hear that all those things are true. When I hear these songs, all I hear is people trying to make money. They may love music and they might be passionate about it yeah yeah, but there's a difference between loving music and needing it. Big record labels and corporate office songwriters especially, they don't need it, hell they don't even love it, they're just in it for the salary. I'll leave you with the words of the great Waylon Jennings. =w=“You’ve got to care. You’ve to care about the music. You work with other musicians who care, and your audience cares. You better care too, Hoss, and if you don’t you shouldn’t be doing it. You better not be doing it for the publicity, the fame or the money. And you’d sure better not be doing it because it’s a way to make a living, ‘cause that ain’t always going to be easy. You got to believe it, believe in the music. You got to mean it, that’s all.”
